Saturday, July 25, 2009

Having a Hard Time

The last week or so, I have been having a hard time. I don't know whether it's the stress of my job, or my intentional decrease in exercise, or what! I haven't been feeling like myself. I was irritable and snapped at my kids (not the first time, but relatively rare). I have been feeling depressed, but in denial about it. I haven't felt very motivated about the things I'm usually motivated to do. Maybe I haven't been sleeping well or long enough? I don't know.

I have definitely been having a hard time with CR. Just before this, six days out of eight were excellent CR days, where I averaged 1448 calories/day. But I haven't had a single good day this week! My average this week is almost 2189 calories/day, 21.5% over my goal of 1800. Maybe it is a rebound effect from too much austerity the week before?

I feel like I'm on the verge of tears a lot. Maybe it's hormonal, like when I was a teenager. Once a month, I would feel the need to cry. And after a good cry, I would feel much, much better. It's how I feel right now...so maybe I would benefit from a good cry. I don't know.

I'm disappointed in myself, because I couldn't control my eating this week. It seems like it should be a easy thing to do, to control one's caloric intake. And I have a fair amount of willpower. Why am I having so much difficulty?

But then again, my fellow CR practitioners tell me not to be too hard on myself and to go slowly. They tell me that I have many, many years to tinker with my calories, my percentages, that I should enjoy the journey. Enjoy life, because without enjoyment, what's the point of going after longevity! Intellectually, I know they're right. I am still relatively young and if the theory is correct, I do have many decades ahead of me. But I'm sad and frustrated and disappointed with myself.

Perhaps I'll resolve once again to be strong "tomorrow."

1 comment:

  1. I just wanted to mention that when we get on the CRON for a while we don't need as much sleep. Maybe you're trying to make yourself get as much sleep as you did before cron?
    That frustration with yourself can cause the irritability, I know how that is. I had to lose a lot of weight and am losing it slowly, I get so frustrated sometimes. I hope you will feel better, hang in there!

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